A positive message from a cancer survivor

The part time consultant counsellor and head of cancer support groupin Apollo Speciality Hospital, Teynampet, shares her experiences as a cancer survivor and a counsellor with R.Sujatha

Even before Neerja Malik can open the door to her office, a patient rushes to thank her for support. Some time later the patient's daughter drops in to do the same. Another visitor wants her to visit her mother in the hospital.

Having been through chemotherapy herself, Neerja Malik finds it easy to speak to shattered patients and their families about cancer.

An aerobics enthusiast, she ignored a twinge below her armpit until it returned several times to bother her. Diagnosed as breast cancer she underwent chemotherapy when her twins were seven years old. Soon after that an uncle suggested that she talk to his friend who was admitted for cancer to Apollo Hospital in Chennai. And then, nurses in the hospital sought her out to speak to other patients.

The voluntary effort took concrete shape after she was diagnosed with cancer in the other breast six years later. Alert to changes the second time around, she was prepared for the diagnosis. But she must live with a broken rib bone that cannot be set right due to the amount of radiation given to her. “Even a graft from another part of the body will not help heal the bone,” she says. It has denied her the ability to exercise but that is a minor irritant she insists.

Cancer is scary because of the dreadful stories spun around it, she says. “A person with a positive and correct attitude doesn't have to be bogged down with fear. Fear is all about False Emotions Appearing Real,” she says.

Her family pampered her and it helped her get through the treatment, she says. In turn, she dispels fear of chemotherapy in patients referred to her. “I always like to talk to them before chemo so that I can prepare them for it. We have made a CD on chemo with information from doctors and patients that I give during counselling,” she says. She has held the hands of family members as they struggled with the truth that their loved one was slipping away.

Sometimes most of her conversations are over the phone. “I tell them that they are going to help me in my work. I tell them to join the support group.” Though very few have returned to become counsellors, she says she is happy that she has been able to put a smile back on the devastated faces that she encountered when she entered the hospital room.

Courage to Conquer

A positive attitude has helped Neerja Malik overcome cancer. She tells about what inspired her to support others battling the disease

“Think of the disease as nothing but a word,” says Neerja Malik, cancer conqueror, Counsellor and Consultant at Apollo Hospitals' Cancer Support Group.. Coming from her, that sounds entirely plausible.

With two surgeries for breast cancer in 1998 and 2004 behind her, Neerja is a double survivor as her daughter puts it. Despite her own health problem, Neerja would unfailingly call her daughter at 2.30 every morning to wake her up to study for the Board examinations. She even counselled another patient just after she had recovered from anaesthesia, post surgery.

Offering a word of advice to patients and their families, she says, “There are two ways of looking at cancer — positive and negativeMy way of looking at cancer was, ‘Ok, God you have given me the problem; it's your problem to give me the solution. The point is, you might be knocked down once, twice, thrice but you have the capacity with faith in Him to get right back on track. I want to tell people who are suffering from cancer that treatment is just a temporary detour.”

It is precisely this positive attitude and fighting spirit that fetched Neerja the Positive Health Heroes Award instituted by Dr. Batra's Positive Health Clinic.

She attributes this spirit largely to her parents, their faith in God and spirituality. “I once fell off a horse and my father said, ‘Get on, right now'. I was hurting but he knew that if I didn't get on right away I would later have to fight fear. So I have always been the type to bounce back after a setback.”

Early treatment

Underscoring the need to seek treatment early and follow the guidelines to a T, she says it is the responsibility of every NGO and hospital working in the area of cancer to convey the message that cancer is curable if detected early.

“In the days of our grandparents, diagnostics and treatment were not as advanced and medicines to manage the side effects did not exist. The diagnosis of cancer was like a death sentence. We have come a long way, since.”

Stressing the need for positive communication, she says, “With the right attitude cancer and its treatment are no big deal. Unfortunately, you hear such horrendous stories about chemotherapy, which actually, is not that bad at all. There are so many people who have survived cancer and not had a rough deal. There are pain killers to control the pain and the nausea can be handled. Immediately after chemotherapy, my hair looked like that of a British judge. I went to Tirupati and tonsured it a couple of times. People don't really die of cancer, but many die of fear.”

A hard-nosed, practical approach, is really what Neerja recommends to all those who seek her counsel. “If you're down and out and the going is tough, just accept what has happened, do what needs to be done, and move on, instead of getting depressed.”

The best doctors

Generous in her praise of Indian doctors, she says the best surgeons and the best oncologists are available in the country. Cousins connected her to doctors abroad while she underwent treatment in Mumbai and those doctors agreed that whatever was being done in India was exactly what they would have done.

And important features in her prescription for survival are laughter and fun things to look forward to, besides the practice of Reiki. After her first surgery, she saw a record number of 56 movies. “I couldn't stand it if anyone switched on the TV but I loved to go to the theatre and catch all the latest flicks. Reiki was a big support because I knew things were happening for me,” she says.

She was blessed because of an extremely supportive family. “My parents (my father would just put his hand on my head and say a mantra before I left the house either for a chemo session, radiation or surgery), my in laws and sister and sisters-in-law offered solid support, emotionally and mentally. That's why I started the Apollo support group with women because I had a group of women in my family who were my source of strength. In the cancer support group we are all survivors. The ace up our sleeve is that we've gone through the same things that other patients go through. That creates immediate rapport.”

Neerja is available 24x7 to cancer patients needing emotional support. “Having an objective outsider is a relief.” Neerja looks back on her life without regret. “Everything that happened — whether it was the miscarriages, the still births, the delivery of my premature twins, conquering cancer, graduating in Social Work or getting a B. Ed — was meant to prepare me for my vocation as a counsellor to cancer patients.”

Timely detection of breast cancer is essential

“If God has given me a problem, He will give me a solution...”

...says Neerja Malik – founder of the Apollo Cancer support group. She shares how she battled breast cancer twice

“On Feb 2, 1998, I felt a slight twinge on my left breast and discovered a really tiny pea-lump. Having been a obsessive compulsive aerobics practitioner, I disregarded it as a muscle pull. 10 days later, whilst getting a massage done, I discovered that this small pea-sized lump had become rather large.

I called up Apollo hospital immediately and even though there weren’t any doctors available for consultation, I was insistent and was eventually given a thorough check-up by one of the senior doctors. He discovered another lump in my armpit that I didn’t know existed. I was asked to retrieve my mammogram test, done the previous year, and was also told to get an FNAC (Fine Needle Aspiration Cytology) done.

The hospital was unable to immediately retrieve my tests of the previous year (because after 6 months, hospitals delete test reports from their data). However, I left my contact numbers in case in hope of them finding the report, and left. On reaching home, for the first time, I took my cell phone into the massage room and that was when the Doctor, himself called me. The FNAC was urgent and had to be done immediately, contrary to what I understood - a common mistake made by several people."

Friday, February 13, Malik was told she had cancer. As her parents and extended family live in Mumbai, the operation was scheduled for February 18. "I went directly to the hospital from the airport. The operation was followed by 6 strong radiations, over the next few months as well as 36 radiations. As my twins were then seven-year-olds, I did not want to leave them alone. So I would come to Mumbai for two to three days, get my chemotherapy done as return to Chennai," says Malik.

Support

"I received so much support during this period. Being part of a support group made me realise that I wanted to help people suffering from this disease. I wanted to start my own support group in Chennai."

When she shared this dream with a member from the support group, she was told not to do so, as people would be discouraged if the battle with cancer was lost! But this would not deter Malik from her goal. “I believe people should always do something they believe in,” says Malik who strongly believed in her dream.

"It is best to keep oneself busy during the recovery period,"shares Malik adding that she had enrolled for a Reiki course on February 14 and 15. "I gave them a call and told them that I wouldn’t be able to make it. They were very supportive and said that they would conduct group therapy Reiki and distant healing on me. I took cd’s and was prepared to spend my recovery time learning Reiki. For an hour and 45 minutes I would listen to tapes and perform self-Reiki.

Several people visited me at the hospital. The day after my operation, my room was filled with family and relatives and there were more people in the reception, who weren’t allowed upstairs due to the crowd already present in my room. So I decided to go downstairs and meet them instead. On my way back up, not knowing that I was a patient, the guard stopped me, telling me that I couldn’t go in to my room, because it was already full of visitors. It was an unintentional compliment that made my day."

The relapse

"In November 2004, breast cancer had relapsed. Whilst lying down on my front, I felt the same twinge and lump I had felt 4 years before and knew at once that it had to be checked. My children had their ninth standard exams on and I didn’t want them to know about this relapse. So, I went to Mumbai for my surgery, and told them that it was because of the support group I was heading. I lied to them, telling them that I was making a website for my support group. Everyday, I would make up names of different restaurants and tell them I was eating at those places; whilst I was actually recovering from the surgery with hospital food.

A family get-together in December had been planned, all year long. 42 family members, from all over the world, were going to bring in the New Year. On hearing about my illness, some of them decided to back out; however I insisted, telling them to give me something to look forward to. Though I only had the energy to move about my room, it felt satisfying to be present amongst the lively spirit of my family.

My first chemotherapy took place on December 15 and I began losing my hair on December 31, 2004. Chemotherapy the second time was stronger than before and therefore I began losing my hair on the 15^th day after chemotherapy as opposed to the earlier treatment."

Starting a support group

"My motivation to start a support group came not only from my perseverance but also from friends and family. The evening of the second surgery, November 23, 2004, my friend called to let me know that his wife had just been diagnosed with cancer. I immediately unloaded all the lessons I had learnt till then – how to be positive, and to never give up hope, informing him of the great medications available these days to counter the effects of chemotherapy. The amazing part of this conversation was that I was just out of anaesthesia and I still had the ability to lend a helping hand to my friend. His wife found the advice I lent at that hour so helpful that she didn’t feel the need to join a support group. It was moments like these that gave me the strength and courage to set up a support group.

Beginning the Apollo Cancer Support Group (ACSG)

On returning to Chennai after the operation, I was called by Apollo Hospital to speak to a patient going through the cancer ordeal. And thus the idea of starting the Apollo Cancer Support Group germinated. Being a graduate in social work, a B.Ed (Bachelor of Education) and enjoying conversations enabled her to bond with patients instantly. ACSG first began with the vision that only survivors would lead this group, however, many survivors, having been treated at Apollo hospital, harboured negative memories and backed out of the group. Left with five people, then on it was decided that the group would be lead by anyone who had the ‘humane’ touch and a listening ear.

ACSG was officially started on March 8, 2004 and Malik who heads it, is counselling the cancer  patients and their family members to face this disease. “Patients become my very good friends, and I feel very lucky to be able to reach out give hope, letting them know that ‘this too shall pass’.

How does she deal with people who are extremely depressed and have lost all hope? Malik confidently replies, “It is very important to get to know the person and his/her history. Confidentiality is a given as a counsellor. I take the trouble to find out what is blocking the person from changing his/her perception. For after all, ‘it’s all in the mind’. Positive thoughts, laughter and a healthy spirit creates a miraculous change in the human body, giving it the power to heal and discard unnecessary, harmful toxins and cells. I truly believe that if God has given me a problem, He will give me a solution.”

Neerja Malik was awarded a Positive health award on November 11 at the St Andrews Auditorium, Bandra. This award was presented by Dr Batra's Positive Health Clinic Pvt. Ltd.

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Click on the following link to watch Dr. Batra's Positive Health Awards 2009

dr.batra positive health award

Keep up the fight

NEERJA MALIK, 54, Chennai

Familiar with adversity — mother of twins after four miscarriages — 54 year-old Neerja Malik has defied breast cancer twice. In February 1998, she first felt a sharp pain in her left breast. Self-examination revealed a pea-sized lump. A home-maker and an aerobics enthusiast, she dismissed it as muscular strain but the twinge returned 10 days later. A mammogram and a fine needle aspiration cytology (FNAC) test at the Apollo Speciality Hospital in Chennai confirmed her fears. In less than a week, she was wheeled in for surgery, in Breach Candy Hospital, Mumbai. A resident of Chennai, she chose Mumbai for treatment because her sister lived in the city and she didn’t want visitors after the surgery.

Discharged from the hospital, Malik headed straight to the nearest theatre to watch Titanic, following it up with 54 movies during the six months of treatment. Discovering that it was a good palliative, she went to any lengths to get tickets. Like persuading a theatre manager to give two tickets on the first day of Hindi film Ghulam’s release. “I told him I must see the film before my chemotherapy next day,” she says with a chuckle. “And that I would remove my wig for him to identify me!”

Malik decided to reach out to other cancer patients after her brush with cancer. She took up cancer support voluntarily at Apollo Hospital in Chennai and encouraged other survivors to get involved. “I started counselling and soon realised patients coming from other states faced problems with the local language,” she explains. Generous donations from relatives — many of them settled abroad — and friends enables Neerja  to aid  the treatment of the cancer patients. Funds are also spent to support children suffering from cancer.

In November 2004, Malik detected a lump in her right breast. Tests revealed cancer. Without any delay — her family from all over the world was coming together to celebrate the New Year — she came to Mumbai on pretext of visiting her sister. Deciding not to tell her children as their exams were on, she called them every morning. Three days after being discharged, she went to see a play. After the first chemotherapy, Malik was home in Chennai to participate in the family reunion.

Malik’s positive attitude is infectious and she uses it to motivate other cancer patients through her brainchild, the Apollo Cancer Support Group, which was launched in March 2004. She helps patients prepare for life after cancer and answers every query, such as coping with hair fall during chemotherapy and the best place to procure wigs. Although building a team was a challenge, she now has seven volunteers. Malik has also designed a leaflet that carries her own positive affirmations of faith in God. “If God has given me this problem, he will also give me the solution.”

— Swati Amar

An Answer to Cancer

December 5, 2005

Reeta Sharma meets Neerja Malik, who fought cancer with grit and set up the Apollo Cancer Support Group in Chennai to give strength to other patients like her

Neerja Malik

The very thought of interviewing a cancer patient filled my heart with sorrow. But when Neerja Malik entered my room with a 100-watt smile and hugged me warmly that I immediately felt a sense of regret for being presumptuous.

Neerja’s cancer was first detected in February, 1998 and it reoccurred in November, 2004. She put up with chemotherapies, radiations and a heavy dosage of potent medicines.

The rigours of coping with cancer have failed to mar her spirit. She has won many a battle against the effects of cancer on her body and spirit.

The word cancer doesn’t frighten her anymore. Instead of destroying her present with the fear of cancer, Neerja resolved to enjoy each and every moment of her life.

This ever-smiling mother of teenage twins, Shivani and Siddharth, looks after her business of manufacturing leather bags. She heads the Apollo Cancer Support Group, Chennai.

"The thought of starting a support group occurred to me after I went through the agony of cancer treatment. This disease not only attacks one physically but is also emotionally draining. It is a shattering experience for the
entire family.

After I recovered the first time, I could instantly reach out to other cancer patients. That’s when I thought of ‘making’ a family of people afflicted with cancer. Today our support group is like a family wherein, everyone reaches out to each other," says Neerja with satisfaction.

Neerja Malik’s family has a history of cancer. The entire family also has immense faith in God, which she feels is the source of her strength. "When I started the Apollo Cancer Support Group, I realised that any patient who has faced cancer with a positive mind-set will be a role model for others. A cancer patient can either be a source of depression for others like him or teach them how to grow flowers on the way. I chose the second option". 

The Apollo Cancer Support Group which Neerja founded extends help to cancer survivors in every possible way. Right from negotiating the routes to the treatment, hospitalisation, therapies etc. to the emotional support and bringing a semblance of normalcy in their lives, the group members take turns to be there.

"It inspires people to meet someone who has already gone through the trauma, pain and the rigours of the hospitals. When our group members meet them with cheer and hope, it re-assures such patients and instils dreams in them too.

Dreaded diseases like cancer make you rise above religion, caste and creed. `A0When I meet a Muslim woman, I promptly greet her with La-Elahi and a Sikh with Sasriyakal and so on. In suffering you are all one", Neerja shares her philosophy.

It was fortunate for Neerja that she came from an affluent family and could afford to bear the financial burden of cancer through her operations and chemotherapies. "But I soon realised that there were thousands of poor cancer patients who could not bear any expenses. They had no option but to get sucked in by the cancer sooner than later. That’s when we all decided to form an organisation to help poor cancer patients.

My qualification in social work has also helped me in counselling the heartbroken cancer patients.

Fighting the big C

Neerja evolved these survival commandments:

• Cancer is just a word, nothing more nothing less.
•  Begin to respect and love your chemotherapy, radiation and other treatments. They are your friends and companions. If they take a toll, they also are most generous in the favours they bestow on you.
•  You should not regard your cancer as the sum total of your life but merely a part of it.
•  You should learn all the details of your disease, its diagnosis, its prognosis and its treatment. This way you will learn to cooperate with your doctors intelligently and knowledgeably.
•  You should give comfort in every possible way to your fellow sufferers, you should give them hope where there may be none. Only in hope is their salvation.
•  Do not surrender to cancer, instead fill your life with every moment of joy.
•  Express your feelings openly to your loved ones as they too need comforting and re-assurance.
•  By all means you should maintain your sense of humour and laughter as it lightens the heart and hastens your recovery.
•  If you fear your disease, it will grow and grow but if you face this fear, it will disappear.
  

Winning The Battle For Cancer

April 5, 2005

Neerja Malik, a cancer survivor, set up a support group to help patients combat the big C with grit, reports Divya A

It all began with a twinge of pain. Although Cancer is associated with painless beginnings, Neerja Malik’s warning came as a pang. The pain that disconcerted her made her run and seek medical attention. This prompt action started her off on a course that now sees her as a crusader for a cause and a pillar of strength for those like her.

She has been through the painful process of diagnosis, treatment, surgery, the recovery, the depression, the ups and downs of the cruise that is far from pleasant.

Her qualifications in social work, along with her B.Ed helped her in counselling skills and support therapy, a vocation that she took to with enthusiasm and dedication. Family and friends called her up for support, recommended her to others and got her so involved that she had to slowly give up previous social groups and commitments in order to spend more time at the Apollo Cancer Hospital and at the homes of patients.

For Neerja Malik, who now shuttles between volunteer work and family business, it all started with a setback she suffered in 1998 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was 44 years old with seven-year-old twins. While undergoing treatment at Mumbai, she came across a support group for cancer patients. Her spirits soared and she realised she could focus on helping others rather than her own condition. But to Neerja’s dismay, a member of that group said, "You have just been diagnosed with cancer. Supposing you start counselling and then something happens to you, it will be bad for the patients’ morale."

Although this depressed her, she told herself: "Even if something does happen, at least the ones I have helped would have got something out of it." She returned to Chennai and began helping friends suffering from cancer at the Apollo Speciality Hospital. This was a small beginning, which later took roots when she met a few other women in similar condition, striving to help those suffering from the malady.

What follows is a positive story of how a woman combated cancer through rigorous cycles of chemotherapy and radiation, never letting the disease get the better of her. "I soon realised that this is a temporary detour and not the be-all-end-all of your existence," Neerja says, beaming with confidence and good spirits.

Although she kept helping patients informally at the Apollo Speciality Hospital, the trigger point for the support group was a casual lunch in 2002. Neerja, along with five of her friends, who liked getting together over lunch, decided to direct our energies into a proper channel.

They begin where the doctors leave off. The group is a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold onto, and a face to draw comfort from. The group is a patient listener offering positive suggestions drawn from their own experiences. "We tell patients we’ve done it and so can you," says Neerja. Adds Neerja, "You have to rise above the pettiness around. God is a pillar of strength. If he gives you a problem, it is his problem to give you a solution."