Cancer Talk with Dignite - Interview with Neerja Malik

Celebrating Inspiring Women - Neerja Malik

Shubh Malhotra Honored to Receive Signed Copy of 'I Inspire' book from author Neerja Malik

Don't Fight Cancer, Face it , says Neerja Malik

Neerja Malik about Skylife Pop-up Exhibition by Manju Mudit in Chennai

Neerja Malik - A Two Times Cancer Conqueror's Inspiring Tale

'When the going gets tough, the tough get going.’   

Behind Neerja Malik’s radiant smile there are many tales to be told.  Little would you know that her beautiful smile conceals tales of tragedy- complications, miscarriages and cancer. Every episode of Neerja’s life has transformed her into a stellar woman, who evokes immense respect and emotions in the hearts of all. Today she wears many hats - an author, cancer counselor, motivational speaker and a Changemaker!

In Februray 1998, Neerja Malik was diagnosed with breast cancer. The Force had been kind to grant her another life even when the best medical experts claimed that she had only 25% chance of survival. Once again, in 2004, life challenged her with cancer. Strong medicines were prescribed and aggressive treatment was provided to help Neerja conquer the second cancer attack. The treatment succeeded in exhausting her physical energy but not her psychological resilience. It’s said that a true warrior perseveres till the end. Neerja courageously faced cancer and conquered it victoriously. 

By age Neerja is 62 years but I bet, at heart she’s young as 18. You can’t blame yourself if you fall in love with her vivacious personality! Being high-spirited by nature, Neerja always succeeds in giving hope even to the hopeless. What’s the secret behind her beautiful smile? Neerja replies, “Happiness and joy”

Neejra Malik (Author-I Inspire) talks to Aishwaraya Kalro (Social Pukar,Co-Founder). 

Here are her takes on life, cancer and love. Some serious and some humorous!

On Perseverance

Neerja admits-

“Challenges may come my way. But, there is always something that falls into my hand. Means that this is not the end, it’s just a bend!” 

Flash back to 2004. Once again, Neerja was diagnosed with breast cancer! This time instead of fretting over the unfair rules of life she accepted the bitter fact like a mature adult and entered the battle of life, with a cool-head. All her friends mulled over the news with agony. But Neerja maintained her composure and reassured her friends, “If I could conquer it once, I can do it again!” True to her words she did it again!  

On Positive Thinking

Change your mindset, change your life. Neerja inspires others with her buoyant outlook-

 “I never concentrated on the fact that I had no energy. Rather than seeing the actual chaos, I’ve seen the light at the end of the tunnel.”

Neerja Malik is an optimist who strongly believes in the power of positive thinking. Forty days after the birth of her twins, Neerja was down with high fever. To be precise - 105 degrees! No natural remedies worked. Her health became critical to the extent that her doting mom and sister constantly slapped her face to stop her from falling asleep. Else, she would have slipped into coma. During this painful phase, Neerja used positive affirmations which kept her going.  Temperature and drama, both were high! A teary-eyed Punjabi mother told Neerja, “You can’t go away now your twins are so young.”  Like a mantra Neerja kept reciting the lines-  ‘I’m not the body, I’m the soul and the soul feels nothing’. Her mother thought Neerja was delivering her farewell speech!

On Love and Distance 

Distance means so little, when someone means so much.

Neerja Malik confesses-

“People who are away, suffer much more.”

She jokingly says, “My poor husband has empowered me, mostly by remote control!” Mandeep  (husband) has been her pillar of strength who managed everything in Chennai very well. Neerja has been blessed with supportive in-laws and parents (Kamla & Benoy Bhushan) who went great lengths during the darkest hours of the day.

On Helping Cancer Patients

No one can question Neerja’s  zeal  when it comes to counseling cancer patients. She cheerfully says, “The more I do for my patients, the happier I am!” She adds-

“It’s not that I meet patients because I give them joy. It’s that meeting and helping them gives me joy!”

On Spirituality and God

In spite of all the challenges life has thrown at her and the tragic moments she has witnessed, God-loving Neerja always praises, “God is great!” In fact, she believes it is the spiritual power that helped her sail through the turbulent times.

Our Social Call

Neerja Malik is a woman with a golden heart. She’s a changemaker who has embarked on a journey to inspire you! ‘In three words I can sum everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.’   

The Uncommon Leader - Talk with Avis Viswanathan for MMA

"The Uncommon Leader - Extraordinary Lessons from Exceptional People" is a monthly conversation series that Life Coach, Happiness Curator, Inspired Speaker and Author (of 'Fall Like A Rose Petal') AVIS Viswanathan curates/moderates for the Madras Management Association.

The business world/corporate sector is continuously looking for uncommon perspectives on leadership to inspire its troops. Our idea is to bring simple, easy-to-understand-and-imbibe, finely curated content within the reach of MMA members and any discerning student of management and leadership.

In the first Edition of the Series, we have two-times Cancer Survivor and Author (of 'I Inspire') Neerja Malik in conversation with AVIS Viswanathan.

My Experience with Fear - Neerja Malik

What is FEAR...
FALSE EMOTIONS APPEARING REAL...
If we just change our perception about what we are going through, we can view it differently...
We can FACE it, not FIGHT it...
We can see it as a challenge and work towards overcoming and conquering it...
FACE it, not FIGHT it, were the words of my father Cdr. Benoy Bhushan....
God is Great...

A Wounded Soldier Wins the War after Losing Several Battles in Life

Neerja Malik: Come what may, we shall Rejoice

Neerja Malik has a hearty, resonating, infectious laugh. And she breaks into a laugh at the drop of a hat. Her ability to laugh at the seemingly ordinary stuff stands her in good stead  in her work with the Apollo Cancer Support Group (ACSG) in Chennai, a south Indian metropolis.

Neerja, in her mid-fifties, is the brain and energy behind the ACSG. Blessed with a zest for life, a sprightly spirit and the ability to see the positive side even of a disaster, she has battled through a lot. “My father used to call me the ‘wounded soldier’," she reminisces. Right from broken wrists many times during her school days, to many miscarriages, to a stillborn child, to premature birth of her twins and the associated complications, to breast cancer twice, to a broken rib a few years back that still remains apart, causing her unbearable pain now and then, she has been through it all.

Her father’s work as a naval officer took the family to many places and marriage brought her to Chennai. In 1998, when she was 44, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. “I too was angry. Not because I got cancer, but because the doctors told me that I had a 25 percent chance of survival if I went abroad for treatment. Having made up my mind to get treated in Bombay where my parents are, I decided that I had to live for my boy and girl who were only seven then," she says. Neerja’s strong will coupled with the support of her immediate and extended family helped her through her ordeal.

However it was a call from her uncle that sowed the seeds for starting a support group. “He wanted me to talk to a gentleman who had been diagnosed and so was feeling low. Then a staffer at the Apollo hospital asked me to speak to families that were finding it difficult to cope. When the doctors realised that the patients’ attitude changed after talking to me, they too wanted me to counsel patients. From 1998, I was volunteering all by myself."

When it was decided to start a support group, Neerja was particular that the volunteers had to be cancer survivors. “I felt that they would connect better with patients and their families," she recalls. But things turned out to be different. “When I started this group on March 8, 2004, there were twenty of us; all survivors. Within months, most of them dropped out because they could not help recollecting their own agony of it all. They could not get over their association with the hospital," she says.

“My graduation in social work, my work as a teacher, our travels within and outside the country  and the testing times have played a role in preparing me for my work as a counsellor," she avers.

And how does she cope with witnessing the pain of others? Does she get emotionally involved? “You can’t be humane without getting inolved. Some patients affect you more than the others." And she goes on to relate the story of Rajesh, adding details so that I could visualise a slim, zestful youngster in his twenties, with ‘Victory’ tattoed on his arm and vrooming around in his motorcycle.

“Rajesh had been treated for bone cancer in his leg and had started leading a normal life. But a year on,  it had relapsed and the verdict was amputation. He came to me with his mind made up: ‘No amputation, no chemo and no nothing’ . It took a while to convince him. Luckily a poster on the Terry Fox Run to collect money for cancer research was lying around. I encouraged him, yelled at him, conned him and cajoled him to participate." Rajesh agreed.  “Unfortunately four months before the run, he passed away. That affected me a lot," she recollects. But she recovers quickly. “I am happy, when I see the difference one can make with just a few words. Even my broken Tamil of limited vocabulary helps and I carry on,” she says with a smile.

- Jency Samuel for Weekend Leader

A positive message from a cancer survivor

The part time consultant counsellor and head of cancer support groupin Apollo Speciality Hospital, Teynampet, shares her experiences as a cancer survivor and a counsellor with R.Sujatha

Even before Neerja Malik can open the door to her office, a patient rushes to thank her for support. Some time later the patient's daughter drops in to do the same. Another visitor wants her to visit her mother in the hospital.

Having been through chemotherapy herself, Neerja Malik finds it easy to speak to shattered patients and their families about cancer.

An aerobics enthusiast, she ignored a twinge below her armpit until it returned several times to bother her. Diagnosed as breast cancer she underwent chemotherapy when her twins were seven years old. Soon after that an uncle suggested that she talk to his friend who was admitted for cancer to Apollo Hospital in Chennai. And then, nurses in the hospital sought her out to speak to other patients.

The voluntary effort took concrete shape after she was diagnosed with cancer in the other breast six years later. Alert to changes the second time around, she was prepared for the diagnosis. But she must live with a broken rib bone that cannot be set right due to the amount of radiation given to her. “Even a graft from another part of the body will not help heal the bone,” she says. It has denied her the ability to exercise but that is a minor irritant she insists.

Cancer is scary because of the dreadful stories spun around it, she says. “A person with a positive and correct attitude doesn't have to be bogged down with fear. Fear is all about False Emotions Appearing Real,” she says.

Her family pampered her and it helped her get through the treatment, she says. In turn, she dispels fear of chemotherapy in patients referred to her. “I always like to talk to them before chemo so that I can prepare them for it. We have made a CD on chemo with information from doctors and patients that I give during counselling,” she says. She has held the hands of family members as they struggled with the truth that their loved one was slipping away.

Sometimes most of her conversations are over the phone. “I tell them that they are going to help me in my work. I tell them to join the support group.” Though very few have returned to become counsellors, she says she is happy that she has been able to put a smile back on the devastated faces that she encountered when she entered the hospital room.

Courage to Conquer

A positive attitude has helped Neerja Malik overcome cancer. She tells about what inspired her to support others battling the disease

“Think of the disease as nothing but a word,” says Neerja Malik, cancer conqueror, Counsellor and Consultant at Apollo Hospitals' Cancer Support Group.. Coming from her, that sounds entirely plausible.

With two surgeries for breast cancer in 1998 and 2004 behind her, Neerja is a double survivor as her daughter puts it. Despite her own health problem, Neerja would unfailingly call her daughter at 2.30 every morning to wake her up to study for the Board examinations. She even counselled another patient just after she had recovered from anaesthesia, post surgery.

Offering a word of advice to patients and their families, she says, “There are two ways of looking at cancer — positive and negativeMy way of looking at cancer was, ‘Ok, God you have given me the problem; it's your problem to give me the solution. The point is, you might be knocked down once, twice, thrice but you have the capacity with faith in Him to get right back on track. I want to tell people who are suffering from cancer that treatment is just a temporary detour.”

It is precisely this positive attitude and fighting spirit that fetched Neerja the Positive Health Heroes Award instituted by Dr. Batra's Positive Health Clinic.

She attributes this spirit largely to her parents, their faith in God and spirituality. “I once fell off a horse and my father said, ‘Get on, right now'. I was hurting but he knew that if I didn't get on right away I would later have to fight fear. So I have always been the type to bounce back after a setback.”

Early treatment

Underscoring the need to seek treatment early and follow the guidelines to a T, she says it is the responsibility of every NGO and hospital working in the area of cancer to convey the message that cancer is curable if detected early.

“In the days of our grandparents, diagnostics and treatment were not as advanced and medicines to manage the side effects did not exist. The diagnosis of cancer was like a death sentence. We have come a long way, since.”

Stressing the need for positive communication, she says, “With the right attitude cancer and its treatment are no big deal. Unfortunately, you hear such horrendous stories about chemotherapy, which actually, is not that bad at all. There are so many people who have survived cancer and not had a rough deal. There are pain killers to control the pain and the nausea can be handled. Immediately after chemotherapy, my hair looked like that of a British judge. I went to Tirupati and tonsured it a couple of times. People don't really die of cancer, but many die of fear.”

A hard-nosed, practical approach, is really what Neerja recommends to all those who seek her counsel. “If you're down and out and the going is tough, just accept what has happened, do what needs to be done, and move on, instead of getting depressed.”

The best doctors

Generous in her praise of Indian doctors, she says the best surgeons and the best oncologists are available in the country. Cousins connected her to doctors abroad while she underwent treatment in Mumbai and those doctors agreed that whatever was being done in India was exactly what they would have done.

And important features in her prescription for survival are laughter and fun things to look forward to, besides the practice of Reiki. After her first surgery, she saw a record number of 56 movies. “I couldn't stand it if anyone switched on the TV but I loved to go to the theatre and catch all the latest flicks. Reiki was a big support because I knew things were happening for me,” she says.

She was blessed because of an extremely supportive family. “My parents (my father would just put his hand on my head and say a mantra before I left the house either for a chemo session, radiation or surgery), my in laws and sister and sisters-in-law offered solid support, emotionally and mentally. That's why I started the Apollo support group with women because I had a group of women in my family who were my source of strength. In the cancer support group we are all survivors. The ace up our sleeve is that we've gone through the same things that other patients go through. That creates immediate rapport.”

Neerja is available 24x7 to cancer patients needing emotional support. “Having an objective outsider is a relief.” Neerja looks back on her life without regret. “Everything that happened — whether it was the miscarriages, the still births, the delivery of my premature twins, conquering cancer, graduating in Social Work or getting a B. Ed — was meant to prepare me for my vocation as a counsellor to cancer patients.”

An Answer to Cancer

December 5, 2005

Reeta Sharma meets Neerja Malik, who fought cancer with grit and set up the Apollo Cancer Support Group in Chennai to give strength to other patients like her

Neerja Malik

The very thought of interviewing a cancer patient filled my heart with sorrow. But when Neerja Malik entered my room with a 100-watt smile and hugged me warmly that I immediately felt a sense of regret for being presumptuous.

Neerja’s cancer was first detected in February, 1998 and it reoccurred in November, 2004. She put up with chemotherapies, radiations and a heavy dosage of potent medicines.

The rigours of coping with cancer have failed to mar her spirit. She has won many a battle against the effects of cancer on her body and spirit.

The word cancer doesn’t frighten her anymore. Instead of destroying her present with the fear of cancer, Neerja resolved to enjoy each and every moment of her life.

This ever-smiling mother of teenage twins, Shivani and Siddharth, looks after her business of manufacturing leather bags. She heads the Apollo Cancer Support Group, Chennai.

"The thought of starting a support group occurred to me after I went through the agony of cancer treatment. This disease not only attacks one physically but is also emotionally draining. It is a shattering experience for the
entire family.

After I recovered the first time, I could instantly reach out to other cancer patients. That’s when I thought of ‘making’ a family of people afflicted with cancer. Today our support group is like a family wherein, everyone reaches out to each other," says Neerja with satisfaction.

Neerja Malik’s family has a history of cancer. The entire family also has immense faith in God, which she feels is the source of her strength. "When I started the Apollo Cancer Support Group, I realised that any patient who has faced cancer with a positive mind-set will be a role model for others. A cancer patient can either be a source of depression for others like him or teach them how to grow flowers on the way. I chose the second option". 

The Apollo Cancer Support Group which Neerja founded extends help to cancer survivors in every possible way. Right from negotiating the routes to the treatment, hospitalisation, therapies etc. to the emotional support and bringing a semblance of normalcy in their lives, the group members take turns to be there.

"It inspires people to meet someone who has already gone through the trauma, pain and the rigours of the hospitals. When our group members meet them with cheer and hope, it re-assures such patients and instils dreams in them too.

Dreaded diseases like cancer make you rise above religion, caste and creed. `A0When I meet a Muslim woman, I promptly greet her with La-Elahi and a Sikh with Sasriyakal and so on. In suffering you are all one", Neerja shares her philosophy.

It was fortunate for Neerja that she came from an affluent family and could afford to bear the financial burden of cancer through her operations and chemotherapies. "But I soon realised that there were thousands of poor cancer patients who could not bear any expenses. They had no option but to get sucked in by the cancer sooner than later. That’s when we all decided to form an organisation to help poor cancer patients.

My qualification in social work has also helped me in counselling the heartbroken cancer patients.

Fighting the big C

Neerja evolved these survival commandments:

• Cancer is just a word, nothing more nothing less.
•  Begin to respect and love your chemotherapy, radiation and other treatments. They are your friends and companions. If they take a toll, they also are most generous in the favours they bestow on you.
•  You should not regard your cancer as the sum total of your life but merely a part of it.
•  You should learn all the details of your disease, its diagnosis, its prognosis and its treatment. This way you will learn to cooperate with your doctors intelligently and knowledgeably.
•  You should give comfort in every possible way to your fellow sufferers, you should give them hope where there may be none. Only in hope is their salvation.
•  Do not surrender to cancer, instead fill your life with every moment of joy.
•  Express your feelings openly to your loved ones as they too need comforting and re-assurance.
•  By all means you should maintain your sense of humour and laughter as it lightens the heart and hastens your recovery.
•  If you fear your disease, it will grow and grow but if you face this fear, it will disappear.
  

Winning The Battle For Cancer

April 5, 2005

Neerja Malik, a cancer survivor, set up a support group to help patients combat the big C with grit, reports Divya A

It all began with a twinge of pain. Although Cancer is associated with painless beginnings, Neerja Malik’s warning came as a pang. The pain that disconcerted her made her run and seek medical attention. This prompt action started her off on a course that now sees her as a crusader for a cause and a pillar of strength for those like her.

She has been through the painful process of diagnosis, treatment, surgery, the recovery, the depression, the ups and downs of the cruise that is far from pleasant.

Her qualifications in social work, along with her B.Ed helped her in counselling skills and support therapy, a vocation that she took to with enthusiasm and dedication. Family and friends called her up for support, recommended her to others and got her so involved that she had to slowly give up previous social groups and commitments in order to spend more time at the Apollo Cancer Hospital and at the homes of patients.

For Neerja Malik, who now shuttles between volunteer work and family business, it all started with a setback she suffered in 1998 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. She was 44 years old with seven-year-old twins. While undergoing treatment at Mumbai, she came across a support group for cancer patients. Her spirits soared and she realised she could focus on helping others rather than her own condition. But to Neerja’s dismay, a member of that group said, "You have just been diagnosed with cancer. Supposing you start counselling and then something happens to you, it will be bad for the patients’ morale."

Although this depressed her, she told herself: "Even if something does happen, at least the ones I have helped would have got something out of it." She returned to Chennai and began helping friends suffering from cancer at the Apollo Speciality Hospital. This was a small beginning, which later took roots when she met a few other women in similar condition, striving to help those suffering from the malady.

What follows is a positive story of how a woman combated cancer through rigorous cycles of chemotherapy and radiation, never letting the disease get the better of her. "I soon realised that this is a temporary detour and not the be-all-end-all of your existence," Neerja says, beaming with confidence and good spirits.

Although she kept helping patients informally at the Apollo Speciality Hospital, the trigger point for the support group was a casual lunch in 2002. Neerja, along with five of her friends, who liked getting together over lunch, decided to direct our energies into a proper channel.

They begin where the doctors leave off. The group is a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold onto, and a face to draw comfort from. The group is a patient listener offering positive suggestions drawn from their own experiences. "We tell patients we’ve done it and so can you," says Neerja. Adds Neerja, "You have to rise above the pettiness around. God is a pillar of strength. If he gives you a problem, it is his problem to give you a solution."

Cancer Support Group Opened At Apollo

March 8th, 2004

A Cancer Support Group, inaugurated in the Apollo Hospitals here today, will provide psychological and emotional support to patients in management and treatment of the disease.

Comprising many survivors, the group will spend "quality time with patients in the hospital, read from scriptures and religious books, counsel patients and provide moral support to the newly-diagnosed."

The group is headed by Neerja Malik, a cancer survivor, who is involved in support groups elsewhere too. It will also focus on rehabilitating patients to help them return to normal life, convening monthly meetings with updates from specialists and launching awareness programmes on the disease for women, according to the group's brochure.

Sharing her experience, Ms. Malik says the motto of the group is, "We have done it and you too can. Just take it easy and do it." The members will provide necessary support to patients to minimise their trauma. Neerja can be reached at 98400 66637.

The Apollo Speciality Hospitals provided the support group with a desk and  also commissioned a cancer helpline, which can be reached over phone (9941993333).

Preetha Reddy, Managing Director, Apollo Hospitals, pinned badges on members and lauded them for their endeavour.

Jaishree Gajraj, consultant gynaecologist, said women hesitated to go for cervical smear or mammography due to myths.

Selvi Radhakrishna, consultant surgeon in oncology, said breast cancer was the most prevalent form, affecting about 80,000 people in India annually. It was largely prevalent among the members of urban upper middle-class. Breast cancer manifested due to family history or was caused by increased exposure to oestrogen or obesity.

A change of lifestyle, eating more fruits, vegetables high in fibre content and fish and regular exercises helped in preventing it.

Stressing early detection, Dr. Selvi she said women should begin self-examination at 20, go for clinical examination after 30 and opt for mammography after 40 years.