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A Wounded Soldier Wins the War after Losing Several Battles in Life

Neerja Malik: Come what may, we shall Rejoice

Neerja Malik has a hearty, resonating, infectious laugh. And she breaks into a laugh at the drop of a hat. Her ability to laugh at the seemingly ordinary stuff stands her in good stead  in her work with the Apollo Cancer Support Group (ACSG) in Chennai, a south Indian metropolis.

Neerja, in her mid-fifties, is the brain and energy behind the ACSG. Blessed with a zest for life, a sprightly spirit and the ability to see the positive side even of a disaster, she has battled through a lot. “My father used to call me the ‘wounded soldier’," she reminisces. Right from broken wrists many times during her school days, to many miscarriages, to a stillborn child, to premature birth of her twins and the associated complications, to breast cancer twice, to a broken rib a few years back that still remains apart, causing her unbearable pain now and then, she has been through it all.

Her father’s work as a naval officer took the family to many places and marriage brought her to Chennai. In 1998, when she was 44, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. “I too was angry. Not because I got cancer, but because the doctors told me that I had a 25 percent chance of survival if I went abroad for treatment. Having made up my mind to get treated in Bombay where my parents are, I decided that I had to live for my boy and girl who were only seven then," she says. Neerja’s strong will coupled with the support of her immediate and extended family helped her through her ordeal.

However it was a call from her uncle that sowed the seeds for starting a support group. “He wanted me to talk to a gentleman who had been diagnosed and so was feeling low. Then a staffer at the Apollo hospital asked me to speak to families that were finding it difficult to cope. When the doctors realised that the patients’ attitude changed after talking to me, they too wanted me to counsel patients. From 1998, I was volunteering all by myself."

When it was decided to start a support group, Neerja was particular that the volunteers had to be cancer survivors. “I felt that they would connect better with patients and their families," she recalls. But things turned out to be different. “When I started this group on March 8, 2004, there were twenty of us; all survivors. Within months, most of them dropped out because they could not help recollecting their own agony of it all. They could not get over their association with the hospital," she says.

“My graduation in social work, my work as a teacher, our travels within and outside the country  and the testing times have played a role in preparing me for my work as a counsellor," she avers.

And how does she cope with witnessing the pain of others? Does she get emotionally involved? “You can’t be humane without getting inolved. Some patients affect you more than the others." And she goes on to relate the story of Rajesh, adding details so that I could visualise a slim, zestful youngster in his twenties, with ‘Victory’ tattoed on his arm and vrooming around in his motorcycle.

“Rajesh had been treated for bone cancer in his leg and had started leading a normal life. But a year on,  it had relapsed and the verdict was amputation. He came to me with his mind made up: ‘No amputation, no chemo and no nothing’ . It took a while to convince him. Luckily a poster on the Terry Fox Run to collect money for cancer research was lying around. I encouraged him, yelled at him, conned him and cajoled him to participate." Rajesh agreed.  “Unfortunately four months before the run, he passed away. That affected me a lot," she recollects. But she recovers quickly. “I am happy, when I see the difference one can make with just a few words. Even my broken Tamil of limited vocabulary helps and I carry on,” she says with a smile.

- Jency Samuel for Weekend Leader

Prescription of Faith

A cancer survivor who now heads a cancer support group,talks about herself and the memories of her first independence day.Anjana Raghu Ram on a tale of the victory of human spirit  Neerja Malik took a monumental leap of faith twelve years ago.And it was precisely that faith that gave her the courage to vanquish the demons of disease and smile. Diagnosed with breast cancer on a Friday the 13th,Neerja Malik refuses to believe that cancer means the end of life."I do not tell my patients to fight cancer but to face cancer.Unassailable faith is the key,"she says,with an incredible joie de vivre.She heads the Cancer Support Group at the Apollo Hospital,where she extends counselling to help patients brave chemotherapy.Apart from the counselling unit that was established in 2004 on International Women's Day,Neerja also stepped into Sankalp after her aunt's death to breathe life into the dying NGO.Sankalp is dedicated to the cause of education for the girl child. Neerja Malik takes a trip down memory lane to tell you about her first Independence Day."I was probably the leader in Class 2 or 3.We were all given crayons and I was excited about using them to colour our flag and then glue the stick on to it."Malik's philosophical side emerges as she expounds on the subject."Independence Day is about freedom.And with freedom comes responsibility to the future.I have planted the seeds to ensure that these girls enable other girls in similar positions to study." Neerja was also awarded the Positive Health Hero Award by the Dr Batra Foundation.She was also invited by the US Department of States to participate in a 21-day tour of America to spread awareness on cancer."As an Indian,I have had the greatest scope to grow.I come from a multi-religious background and was raised with complete freedom.Even our Vedas are universal in thought.The idea is to accept others openly.The soul of India is its Unity in Diversity,"she says.

A positive message from a cancer survivor

The part time consultant counsellor and head of cancer support groupin Apollo Speciality Hospital, Teynampet, shares her experiences as a cancer survivor and a counsellor with R.Sujatha

Even before Neerja Malik can open the door to her office, a patient rushes to thank her for support. Some time later the patient's daughter drops in to do the same. Another visitor wants her to visit her mother in the hospital.

Having been through chemotherapy herself, Neerja Malik finds it easy to speak to shattered patients and their families about cancer.

An aerobics enthusiast, she ignored a twinge below her armpit until it returned several times to bother her. Diagnosed as breast cancer she underwent chemotherapy when her twins were seven years old. Soon after that an uncle suggested that she talk to his friend who was admitted for cancer to Apollo Hospital in Chennai. And then, nurses in the hospital sought her out to speak to other patients.

The voluntary effort took concrete shape after she was diagnosed with cancer in the other breast six years later. Alert to changes the second time around, she was prepared for the diagnosis. But she must live with a broken rib bone that cannot be set right due to the amount of radiation given to her. “Even a graft from another part of the body will not help heal the bone,” she says. It has denied her the ability to exercise but that is a minor irritant she insists.

Cancer is scary because of the dreadful stories spun around it, she says. “A person with a positive and correct attitude doesn't have to be bogged down with fear. Fear is all about False Emotions Appearing Real,” she says.

Her family pampered her and it helped her get through the treatment, she says. In turn, she dispels fear of chemotherapy in patients referred to her. “I always like to talk to them before chemo so that I can prepare them for it. We have made a CD on chemo with information from doctors and patients that I give during counselling,” she says. She has held the hands of family members as they struggled with the truth that their loved one was slipping away.

Sometimes most of her conversations are over the phone. “I tell them that they are going to help me in my work. I tell them to join the support group.” Though very few have returned to become counsellors, she says she is happy that she has been able to put a smile back on the devastated faces that she encountered when she entered the hospital room.