Courage to Conquer

A positive attitude has helped Neerja Malik overcome cancer. She tells about what inspired her to support others battling the disease

“Think of the disease as nothing but a word,” says Neerja Malik, cancer conqueror, Counsellor and Consultant at Apollo Hospitals' Cancer Support Group.. Coming from her, that sounds entirely plausible.

With two surgeries for breast cancer in 1998 and 2004 behind her, Neerja is a double survivor as her daughter puts it. Despite her own health problem, Neerja would unfailingly call her daughter at 2.30 every morning to wake her up to study for the Board examinations. She even counselled another patient just after she had recovered from anaesthesia, post surgery.

Offering a word of advice to patients and their families, she says, “There are two ways of looking at cancer — positive and negativeMy way of looking at cancer was, ‘Ok, God you have given me the problem; it's your problem to give me the solution. The point is, you might be knocked down once, twice, thrice but you have the capacity with faith in Him to get right back on track. I want to tell people who are suffering from cancer that treatment is just a temporary detour.”

It is precisely this positive attitude and fighting spirit that fetched Neerja the Positive Health Heroes Award instituted by Dr. Batra's Positive Health Clinic.

She attributes this spirit largely to her parents, their faith in God and spirituality. “I once fell off a horse and my father said, ‘Get on, right now'. I was hurting but he knew that if I didn't get on right away I would later have to fight fear. So I have always been the type to bounce back after a setback.”

Early treatment

Underscoring the need to seek treatment early and follow the guidelines to a T, she says it is the responsibility of every NGO and hospital working in the area of cancer to convey the message that cancer is curable if detected early.

“In the days of our grandparents, diagnostics and treatment were not as advanced and medicines to manage the side effects did not exist. The diagnosis of cancer was like a death sentence. We have come a long way, since.”

Stressing the need for positive communication, she says, “With the right attitude cancer and its treatment are no big deal. Unfortunately, you hear such horrendous stories about chemotherapy, which actually, is not that bad at all. There are so many people who have survived cancer and not had a rough deal. There are pain killers to control the pain and the nausea can be handled. Immediately after chemotherapy, my hair looked like that of a British judge. I went to Tirupati and tonsured it a couple of times. People don't really die of cancer, but many die of fear.”

A hard-nosed, practical approach, is really what Neerja recommends to all those who seek her counsel. “If you're down and out and the going is tough, just accept what has happened, do what needs to be done, and move on, instead of getting depressed.”

The best doctors

Generous in her praise of Indian doctors, she says the best surgeons and the best oncologists are available in the country. Cousins connected her to doctors abroad while she underwent treatment in Mumbai and those doctors agreed that whatever was being done in India was exactly what they would have done.

And important features in her prescription for survival are laughter and fun things to look forward to, besides the practice of Reiki. After her first surgery, she saw a record number of 56 movies. “I couldn't stand it if anyone switched on the TV but I loved to go to the theatre and catch all the latest flicks. Reiki was a big support because I knew things were happening for me,” she says.

She was blessed because of an extremely supportive family. “My parents (my father would just put his hand on my head and say a mantra before I left the house either for a chemo session, radiation or surgery), my in laws and sister and sisters-in-law offered solid support, emotionally and mentally. That's why I started the Apollo support group with women because I had a group of women in my family who were my source of strength. In the cancer support group we are all survivors. The ace up our sleeve is that we've gone through the same things that other patients go through. That creates immediate rapport.”

Neerja is available 24x7 to cancer patients needing emotional support. “Having an objective outsider is a relief.” Neerja looks back on her life without regret. “Everything that happened — whether it was the miscarriages, the still births, the delivery of my premature twins, conquering cancer, graduating in Social Work or getting a B. Ed — was meant to prepare me for my vocation as a counsellor to cancer patients.”

Timely detection of breast cancer is essential

“If God has given me a problem, He will give me a solution...”

...says Neerja Malik – founder of the Apollo Cancer support group. She shares how she battled breast cancer twice

“On Feb 2, 1998, I felt a slight twinge on my left breast and discovered a really tiny pea-lump. Having been a obsessive compulsive aerobics practitioner, I disregarded it as a muscle pull. 10 days later, whilst getting a massage done, I discovered that this small pea-sized lump had become rather large.

I called up Apollo hospital immediately and even though there weren’t any doctors available for consultation, I was insistent and was eventually given a thorough check-up by one of the senior doctors. He discovered another lump in my armpit that I didn’t know existed. I was asked to retrieve my mammogram test, done the previous year, and was also told to get an FNAC (Fine Needle Aspiration Cytology) done.

The hospital was unable to immediately retrieve my tests of the previous year (because after 6 months, hospitals delete test reports from their data). However, I left my contact numbers in case in hope of them finding the report, and left. On reaching home, for the first time, I took my cell phone into the massage room and that was when the Doctor, himself called me. The FNAC was urgent and had to be done immediately, contrary to what I understood - a common mistake made by several people."

Friday, February 13, Malik was told she had cancer. As her parents and extended family live in Mumbai, the operation was scheduled for February 18. "I went directly to the hospital from the airport. The operation was followed by 6 strong radiations, over the next few months as well as 36 radiations. As my twins were then seven-year-olds, I did not want to leave them alone. So I would come to Mumbai for two to three days, get my chemotherapy done as return to Chennai," says Malik.

Support

"I received so much support during this period. Being part of a support group made me realise that I wanted to help people suffering from this disease. I wanted to start my own support group in Chennai."

When she shared this dream with a member from the support group, she was told not to do so, as people would be discouraged if the battle with cancer was lost! But this would not deter Malik from her goal. “I believe people should always do something they believe in,” says Malik who strongly believed in her dream.

"It is best to keep oneself busy during the recovery period,"shares Malik adding that she had enrolled for a Reiki course on February 14 and 15. "I gave them a call and told them that I wouldn’t be able to make it. They were very supportive and said that they would conduct group therapy Reiki and distant healing on me. I took cd’s and was prepared to spend my recovery time learning Reiki. For an hour and 45 minutes I would listen to tapes and perform self-Reiki.

Several people visited me at the hospital. The day after my operation, my room was filled with family and relatives and there were more people in the reception, who weren’t allowed upstairs due to the crowd already present in my room. So I decided to go downstairs and meet them instead. On my way back up, not knowing that I was a patient, the guard stopped me, telling me that I couldn’t go in to my room, because it was already full of visitors. It was an unintentional compliment that made my day."

The relapse

"In November 2004, breast cancer had relapsed. Whilst lying down on my front, I felt the same twinge and lump I had felt 4 years before and knew at once that it had to be checked. My children had their ninth standard exams on and I didn’t want them to know about this relapse. So, I went to Mumbai for my surgery, and told them that it was because of the support group I was heading. I lied to them, telling them that I was making a website for my support group. Everyday, I would make up names of different restaurants and tell them I was eating at those places; whilst I was actually recovering from the surgery with hospital food.

A family get-together in December had been planned, all year long. 42 family members, from all over the world, were going to bring in the New Year. On hearing about my illness, some of them decided to back out; however I insisted, telling them to give me something to look forward to. Though I only had the energy to move about my room, it felt satisfying to be present amongst the lively spirit of my family.

My first chemotherapy took place on December 15 and I began losing my hair on December 31, 2004. Chemotherapy the second time was stronger than before and therefore I began losing my hair on the 15^th day after chemotherapy as opposed to the earlier treatment."

Starting a support group

"My motivation to start a support group came not only from my perseverance but also from friends and family. The evening of the second surgery, November 23, 2004, my friend called to let me know that his wife had just been diagnosed with cancer. I immediately unloaded all the lessons I had learnt till then – how to be positive, and to never give up hope, informing him of the great medications available these days to counter the effects of chemotherapy. The amazing part of this conversation was that I was just out of anaesthesia and I still had the ability to lend a helping hand to my friend. His wife found the advice I lent at that hour so helpful that she didn’t feel the need to join a support group. It was moments like these that gave me the strength and courage to set up a support group.

Beginning the Apollo Cancer Support Group (ACSG)

On returning to Chennai after the operation, I was called by Apollo Hospital to speak to a patient going through the cancer ordeal. And thus the idea of starting the Apollo Cancer Support Group germinated. Being a graduate in social work, a B.Ed (Bachelor of Education) and enjoying conversations enabled her to bond with patients instantly. ACSG first began with the vision that only survivors would lead this group, however, many survivors, having been treated at Apollo hospital, harboured negative memories and backed out of the group. Left with five people, then on it was decided that the group would be lead by anyone who had the ‘humane’ touch and a listening ear.

ACSG was officially started on March 8, 2004 and Malik who heads it, is counselling the cancer  patients and their family members to face this disease. “Patients become my very good friends, and I feel very lucky to be able to reach out give hope, letting them know that ‘this too shall pass’.

How does she deal with people who are extremely depressed and have lost all hope? Malik confidently replies, “It is very important to get to know the person and his/her history. Confidentiality is a given as a counsellor. I take the trouble to find out what is blocking the person from changing his/her perception. For after all, ‘it’s all in the mind’. Positive thoughts, laughter and a healthy spirit creates a miraculous change in the human body, giving it the power to heal and discard unnecessary, harmful toxins and cells. I truly believe that if God has given me a problem, He will give me a solution.”

Neerja Malik was awarded a Positive health award on November 11 at the St Andrews Auditorium, Bandra. This award was presented by Dr Batra's Positive Health Clinic Pvt. Ltd.

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Click on the following link to watch Dr. Batra's Positive Health Awards 2009

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