'I am a conqueror, not a survivor'

Dr Love - Mumbai Mirror 
Sep 5, 2010

How would you determine the extent of your recovery from a terminal ailment? Neerja Malik did it by the number of movies she watched. “The first year of my battle against cancer I watched 56 movies... in the theatre!” laughs the 56-year-old. This humour, coupled with a positive attitude and unending support of dear ones, helped Neerja beat breast cancer twice — in 1998 and in 2004. “I am not a survivor, I am a conqueror,” she quips. 

It was an ominous date when she was diagnosed the first time — February 13, 1998. Even as surgery arrangements were being made at  her native Chennai, her Mumbai-based family urged her to fly here for treatment and TLC. “In all 25 people came to see me off at the airport. Here I was received by as  large a group and every day I had visitors,” recalls Neerja.   

The drill of chemotherapy and radiation sessions covered the next few months as her family built a wall of positive energy around her. “We never behaved as if we were going through a difficult situation,” says her feisty 81-year-old mom Kamala Bhushan. They went for movies, parties, bhajan sessions and card games. Her husband and twins held her hand throughout.

She recovered but cancer struck more aggressively in 2004. “We did the same all over again,” she says. And she again emerged triumphant. “Coping is complex; it includes finding out, accepting, leading a healthy life thereafter… Neerja did it wonderfully,” says her oncologist Dr Vijay Haribhakti.   

Meanwhile, Neerja gave life a new direction by setting up a Cancer Support Group in Chennai. She also founded Sahayika, an NGO that funds treatment for children. The role of a counsellor fulfils her the most. “After my second surgery, as I was out of anesthesia, a friend called for some advice for his cancer-afflicted wife. I gave him the dope — from the hospital bed!” 

Two maxims define her life — ‘This too shall pass’; ‘Love makes the world go around’. “I have only one answer to those who ask how my life is — ‘Rocking’!” she says
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A Survivor and a Conqueror – Neerja Malik

Posted by Vidya Raja on Oct 9, 2013 | 6 comments

Seventeen years ago my father mentioned meeting a passionate, full-of-life cancer survivor in whom he saw a great deal of courage, and will to live. This was in 1996; in 2013 I am sitting in the same lady’s home in Chennai, waiting to interview her.

Neerja Malik is one of those whom you cannot miss, even when in a room filled with people. As she walks out of her room fresh after a shower I cannot help but smile and give her a big warm hug. “Hi bacha,” she says as she makes herself comfortable on the sofa. Propping two pillows, one under her leg and the other for her back, she gets ready to talk.

“Let’s start at the very beginning,” I said to her, and as if on cue she began speaking. There is a certain lilt in her voice that can put to rest any troubled mind. Her story isn’t a fairy tale but it is a tale that must be told.

It was way back in February 1998 that she found the first pea-sized lump in her left breast. As she narrates her story from back then, I cannot help but wonder where she gets the courage to speak so openly. “I was on auto-pilot after being diagnosed. I wasn’t thinking of anything. I knew there would be a surgery, then chemotherapy, followed by radiation. I had met all the doctors and was all set. On the way back home from the hospital I realised I had two lunch meets to attend over the weekend. My husband, Mandeep, called one of our friends from the car and said that lunch would have to cancelled as I was diagnosed with Cancer. I hit his shoulder the minute he finished the call and that was when the enormity of it all hit me. I sat there and wept my heart out. By the time I came home I had had a jolly good weep and was in a position to call the second person and cancel lunch on my own.”

That wasn’t the first time Neerja had to face a crisis situation. Life has thrown any and everything possible at her – few miscarriages, a still-born, having her uterus removed, and then having to deal with the disease that everyone fears – Cancer, and yet when you speak with her, you feel only positive energy, not an iota of self-pity, or whining.

Just when she thought that life was on track after successfully surviving five years cancer free, it struck again in 2004. This time in the right breast. Fighting cancer once makes you a survivor, fighting it twice makes you a conqueror.

The story of how she dealt with it makes it all seem like a breeze. “Since my kids were very young (all of 7 years) when I was diagnosed with Cancer for the first time I would constantly be making up stories to cover for my being away.” Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel is an idiom which she truly lives by. She laughs as she narrates an incident. “The initial few days after chemotherapy are awful. All I did was puke. There was a time when my husband saw me throwing up a worm. The following day the same thing happened in another bathroom. Instead of worrying and brooding about it, I imagined how the two worms would meet in the drainage pipe, become Mr. and Mrs. Worm, and live happily ever after.”

“The first thing I did after I was discharged was to go and watch Titanic.” As she tells me this, her arms almost involuntarily raise itself to the famous Titanic pose. She chuckles. I smile.

“The second time you were diagnosed with cancer must have been a blow,” I ask. “It was tough. While I knew the drill, the treatment the second time around was far more aggressive leaving me completely drained of energy.” That however did not stop her from planning a family get-together at Fish-cove in Chennai. “That is what kept me going then,” she says. “I didn’t tell my kids that I would have to go through surgery again since they had their final exams coming up. Infact a day before the surgery when the nurse handed me a sedative to help me sleep through the night, I refused. I had to stay awake so I could wake my daughter up at 2:30 a.m. to study.” While her daughter understood the situation, she mentioned how it took a very long time for her son to come to terms with it all. His anger stemmed from the fact that she hid it from them.

Losing hair due to chemotherapy is one of the biggest battles that women face.Once, after an intense treatment session, when Neerja was getting ready to go someplace she noticed a clump of hair fall off.  “To make light of the situation I remember standing in my balcony, plucking it out one by one and blowing it into the air. All the while saying to myself – he loves me, he loves me not.”

Today, Neerja counsels cancer patients and their families. She was instrumental in setting up the counseling unit at Apollo Hospitals. Having gone through cancer and the treatment she has the ability to connect with those who are going through the same. A junior doctor at the hospital once said, “Neerja Malik has gone into places in this hospital where even the air hasn’t.” She tells her patients to call her at any time of the day or night. “I am available 24/7. Sometimes I can even talk in my sleep, putting the other person completely at ease. This is what keeps me going.”

“Everytime I am able to see a glimmer of a smile or a hope or twinkling eyes, that gives me a high. It makes me feel grateful to God for having given me the chance to do this.”  She truly is an inspiration.

“Cancer is merely a word,” she says as I leave her home after the interview.

Ms. Neerja Malik can be reached at +91- 9840066637 or +91- 994193333. You can also e-mail her atneerjamalik_2000@yahoo.com.